prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2001-11-14 - 11:04 a.m.
Remember how the other day I told You that I was becoming more like me again? Well, it is getting even better!! I can feel myself opening up, like a cliched delicate little flower. THAT'S RIGHT! I am !!! and I don't exactly know why, I think it did have something to do with the birds I saw on Sunday, about 500 hundred little common brown birds, swooping in a circle practicing take off's and landings, in anticipation of their annual migration South. I was sitting by the window, in a restaurant, surrounded by friends, gathered for the happy occasion of a close friend's wedding. Usually, I sit there, with a slight smile on my face, whilst my thoughts are more bitter and jealous. You can't be 31 and hopelessly single and NOT HAVE these FEELINGS ( or at least that is how I indulged the need to feel this way) but on this day, I was genuinely ~happy~ for my friend. I know that she found her true happiness in the least expected place, and they just fit SO UNBELIEVABLY WELL together. Maybe there IS an order and a reason to things, and it was then, that I noticed the birds outside. They practiced their take off's and landings in perfect unison. If one was out of synch, they just landed and re assembled. They seemed to have a well orchestrated chain of command and everyone knew their place in the formation.
This brought me back to the memory of the day when I was about 9 and was outside in my back yard. It was dusk on a very crisp autumn day, and I could hear the faint sound of a lone, soulful distressed honking goose. I looked up in the sky and saw him circling in a panicked way, right above my house. The sad sound stayed with me all these years, it was just so heartbreaking. He had lost his pack. He was scared, and probably young. I was seized with fear for him, and the honking was almost unbearable, I wanted so desperately to help him, but I could not think of how! I started to cry, and just then, I saw a dark patch spreading across the sky, very quickly and it was getting closer. The Geese had come back for him!!!!!!!! His cries did not go unanswered! Not only did they come back for him, but they maintained the perfect V formation, and flew into alignment with him, assembling him right into the pack , in the most graceful way. They just swept in, and swept out and there was nothing but silence. The whole thing was over in a matter of seconds, but I stood there for what seemed like forever, watching them fly off into the great expanse of sky. It was breathtaking.
Seeing those little birds again, reminded me of this story, of that little girl moment of majesty that I was witness to. And for a long long time I have not believed in anything, I have lost my spiritualness, but I never lost sight of what really matters. I am starting to believe again, in miracles and fate and things happening for a reason. I am open to the hope that maybe someday, someone will sweep across my sky and soundlessly gather me into the perfect formation, and togther we will fly away. I know that is alot to ask..
but the starbucks coffee boy flirted with me today, and I did not look away all shy and lame, I looked him in the eye and smiled. I am becoming spectacularily open. And daring.
so, keep your eye on the sky.
old starlight - new starbright
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