prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2001-12-17 - 8:08 p.m.
When I was little, I remember endless trips riding in the back seat of my parents car, watching the rain drops falling against the car window. How they splashed against the glass and then broke into contented fat little drops, and began to fall, slide, glide, drip s l o w l y, oooh so slowly down . Sometimes they split and divided again, and falling gripping sliding oozing down the glass, I watched them, completely transfixed . Obsessively fixated. I wanted to find one tiny raindrop and not lose it. I wanted to trace the way it fell, collect it with my eyes, name it, hold it, taste it, know it, love it, believe in it. whisper softly
" hello tiny little raindrop, you are so beautiful and perfect just the way you are. I ~see~ you. I believe in you. I like the way you shimmer. you exist. if only for a moment, you exist to * me*"
I felt like it must be such a struggle to exist, as an individual amongst the thousands, millions, kajillion drops of rain. And it always ended the same way, me watching, intensely, focused on the single raindrop, unblinkingly watching it
s m e a r i n g~
s p r e a d i n g~
itself provacatively against the glass, struggling to be unique, struggling to break apart and be free,to be noticed, to be born and to exist. and I felt like if I did not witness this, then it's entire raindrop moment was in vain. and it would ~come and go~ reassembling back into the pool of water, becoming a drop in a roadside puddle, on it's long lonely journey home to the insatiable abyss of the ocean.
now, I find myself as a drop of rain, against your glass.
watch me fall.
please!
please!
name me, claim me , collect me in a jar, mop me up, soak me up, drape me across your brow, on a cool cloth. drink me, taste me, swallow me, spit me out. clean the floor with me. just please do not send me back to the ocean, without watching me fall. I need to know that I existed. I need to understand. that you saw me. you touched me. you held me.
i need to believe. in now. in this moment.
i need.so much from you
don't ask why.
i don't know why.
i just ~need~
old starlight - new starbright
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