prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2002-03-20 - 4:17 p.m.
what do you do , when everything seems to have come to a full stop and, yet, you keep on living, crashing through the penetrable brick wall, that your life has become?
Barricading myself into inescapable solitude. abandoning my heart by the side of the road, drinking the loneliness, of every desolate individual, that passes me by and throwing back my head and forcing it down, licking the salty wet edges, wiping my mouth and slamming the glass on the counter and holding it in the palm of my hand, just to feel the weight of it and knowing that I am so ~alone~, that my thoughts have become incestuous. for, they have only each other to tangle up with, no other voice exists for them to play and run and chase and bounce off of and jump through, into
the only sensation that vaguely reminds me, that I am alive! Right now, in this very moment a complex circuit board of 3 million neurons and synapsis,fire away. I am aware of a low hum of pain , a salsa throbbing , a thin sinewy threading, a rhythmic twisting, a guttural low moan rising, a silent ache from the finite universe of my cosmic womb delicately pulling against my side, pouring endless with empty and wincing slightly from the tenderness, raging with gratitude that I am ALIVE, and I am FERTILE, and I coarse, miles of veins streaming with oxygen rich blood and flowing with endorphins. My working body is an extraordinary luxury that I take for granted.
and I remember pleasure. and I remember pain. and I taste bitter and I linger in the oh sooooo sweet. and I am ovulating. and life spins on. and my hand carresses the left side, the universe held beneath the surface of my being, generations not to come, literally pulsating in thousands of tiny liquid eggs, glistening wetly in a beautiful protein dew, like little sleeping flowers. We are all, the breath of the stars, the hot red pulse of a burning sun, and the blue blue blood of the full moon. here. there is magic inside me. there is magic hidden within these walls.
there is magic in my mouth full of tomorrows yet to be tasted. I am thirsty.
pour me your sorrow. spin me your tale. we heal each other. we create and create and create one another anew. Push through me. come inside. I will be your child. I will be your mother.I will be your lover. I will be your beginning and end. let me be the face of love for you. if only you will be the soft, soft, soft touch of understanding.
P.S. come to me as the ocean, come to me, tasting of the sea, and I shall never want, for anymore~
old starlight - new starbright
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