prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2002-04-30 - 8:32 p.m.
I am trying to forget. I am trying to be finished with being undone. trying desperately to become complete, completely without you. I do not need you climbing into me, invading every pore, penetrating my every thought, like I allowed you too, in the past. I invited you in, and showed you around. made myself totally available to you. offered myself for full possession. draped myself ornately and strung myself with twinkling christmas lights. just so you.
would
fucking
notice
me.
and every time you glanced my way, I quickly looked away. and when you said that you thought you loved me, I laughed at you and sent you away.
because.
it hurt to much, to think that you could possibly, really, ever have actually loved me. and yet there was this one tembling moment, when I know that you did.
Your deep brown eyes flashed hotly betraying your volcanic emotion and your heavily accented voice deepened, and in your charming European Spanish way, you said to me " I am very hungry with you" You meant to say that you were " very angry" at me. I laughed. and laughed. and you had to kiss me to silence me.
and I remember that uno mas night,( that night on the island so beautiful and blue) our bodies pressed softly into the Majorcan sand, and your eyes searing me with a sangria infused heat, and how the fleshy pad of your wide tapered thumb pressed against my mauve mouth and traced the edges along the glossy curve of my upper lip and then slightly pulled my fuller bottom lip down, exposing the whiteness of my teeth to the Spanish moon. exposing me hibiscus pink and lily white, opening like a pale flower to you. a soft shelled girl pinned like a glittering butterfly beneath you.
and the tide came in, and licked wetly at our ankles. and the horizon set melting into the fleeting orange streaked night, turned blue with stars. and left me shivering against your deeply tanned, carved chest, smelling the mediterranean sea that flows heavy in your blood.
and I knew that your future was not entangled with mine.
so, I closed my eyes. tight. and breathed in d e e p.
and promised myself that as long as I lived, I would never, ever, forget the~ spilled red wine, ocean bronzed, salty sweet, sexy, olives glistening in the mediterranean sun~ scent of you.
and you know what?
I never have.
old starlight - new starbright
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