she dreamed the same dream night after night~We are an orchestra of one, we are a majesty unveiling, we are newly born lovers, christening one another with mouths and hands and seeking tongues. We are everything and nothing~ Night is falling. night is falling. and I am drowning. in your arms. I am safe again. I am safe again. You surface me, and cling to me, night is falling and I am in my place again. above you, beneath you, wherever it pleases you so... oh my love, I am home again. My heart has been reborn again. the night is falling. and so am I . Falling for you ( into you, above you, through you). night is falling. night is falling. and so am i. so am i. always for you. for you.

blustarswendy3

~random vintage wendchymes~

prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08

2002-06-27 - 10:27 a.m.

Pain

Recently, I have been in pain. Severe pain. A small filling in a tooth, decided to go insane, and lash out, into unbelieveble, searing, nerve damaged, deep rooted pain. It snuck up on me, infiltrated it's territory and organized it's palastinian trained kamikazi masses in the middle of the night. and so it began. I woke up to an unusual throbbing, a heart of palpable pain eminating from the lower wisdom tooth, in the way back of my mouth. It spread and spread, discontented until it had organized itself into a massive attack of the entire jaw region. In between the throbbing pain, were the headaches, which felt more like knives randomnly lancing me and sharpening themselves on my jaw bone.

I tried to be rational. I tried to wonder about the pain, wonder how intense it was, and if somehow it was me just over reacting. I tried to work through it, tried to distract myself, with all my usual random thought processes. but it didn't work. Then I tried to challenge myself, to just take it!! To stop being a mega cry baby wimp and to just deal with it, but the lashing pain wore me down. It made me fetal and feral, and left me cold and dark, wishing for my mommy to make it all better. I tried to find a path through the pain. I wanted to crawl under it, or over it, just find a way to hide from it, or break through it, but the intensity of the pain kept slamming me into the wall.I wondered about how people could ever be INTO pain. Because this kind of pain, BLOWS!!!!!! I waited for endorphins and prayed for morphine on a drip but the closest I could get, was over the counter paracetemol drugs that I always stock up on, when I am in the U.K. But sadly, nothing could temper the RAGE of this tooth. I put a call into my dentist and was told he was away and could see me on Tuesday. I had to ride this pain for 62 hours. or rather, it rode me to the near death.

The days are a blur. The hours, tore away slowly and my world ran colourless. My thoughts were short and simple. I became primal.

hurt.

pain.

bad

owww

stop

STOP!

ENOUGH!!!

God help me!

please, i'll be good

owwwwwww

owwwwwwwwww

owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I spent hours screaming inside my head, because it hurt to much to even whisper. I wondered if labor was like this, but even that has to be better, because you have the hope of an end. I wondered if my tooth was trying to give birth to a mutant 7 lb alien baby. In the middle of the night I would burst into jagged random sobs, but would immediately stop because of the fear that it would cause the pain to sharpen. I tried to reason it away, tried to bribe it away. And foolishly tried to ignore it.

the pain was like a two year old child, it's fury would increase if it suspected it did not have my full and utmost attention.

finally, I found my weakened way to the Dentist's chair. He seemed perplexed, but willing to write me out a series of prescriptions to try and calm it down a bit. he thinks the nerve was damaged when he did the last filling and now the nerve is deciding whether it is going to live or die. Personally I think the little bastard deserves to die, but as this might necessitate more oral surgery, I guess I should hope things work out the best for him, and that he gets over his suicidal temper tantrum and decides to live. I am not above bribery. I say give him what he wants. I wish he would make a list of demands. I would give that DAMN wisdom tooth anything he wants, if he would just stop FUCKING WITH ME! and in the meantime, I have become a crack whore to the painkillers. I horded those 15 little suckers and held them to my bosom, dreaming of the pain free hours I would now have.

only thing is. there were just 15 of them. and now their are 3. left.

If i drive through the ghetto do you think I could score some vicadin?

cause I think it is gonna be a long night. I put another pathetic call into my Dentist. Explaining my situation, and am waiting for the call back.

I feel like someone on death row.

I need a reprieve.

I need a re fill.

DO YOU HEAR ME GOD? I NEED THOSE PILLS!!!

SEND VICADIN!

STAT!!!!!!!!!

we now return to our regular scheduled programming. owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

oh and by the way, you should have seen my dentist hemming and hawing and squirming, when he was trying to advise me not to eat big sandwiches, or engage in activities which require me to open my mouth wide... um, then he blushed and said, you know, like try to avoid even yawning. hmm, activities which require me to open my mouth... hmm, what could he have possibly meant? The curse of the spinster clause is in full effect!!! owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!

ooooooooo success! My dentist just called , he is refilling my pain prescription!!ah, the sweet nectar of victory ( and he increased the refill to 25 pills!!) I have to go now, I have to pick up my little vials of bliss!WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO! happy days are here again.....

old starlight - new starbright

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