prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2002-07-24 - 3:23 p.m.
evaporating, sliding,
slipping away.
why do I feel this way?
as if I am disappearing from my own life.
as if I am a lazy narrator. erasing the edges of my world.
unpainting my memories and shutting down
watercolour tears, staining the walls of a forgotten smile.
the older I get, the tinier I feel
I am the voice of a little girl
clutching her expensive beaded purse.
and applying glossy chardonnay lipstick over and over because I like the hypnotically soothing way it feels, a rhythym of comfort. a smooth frost over curved hills
and I like feeling.
trying to remember the sensations I once loved.
in the midst of sleep, swimming in the silk fabric of luxurious bedding, sometimes I am startled by the accidental touch of my own hand,brushing against the dipped hollow of my alabaster back ,and the softness makes me inhale sharply ~because I remember~ because, I still remember your breath warming my dreams. Your seizing grip,and boyish grin easily wading into me, going down, going under the waves of bliss and midnight. You were the soft lullabye of lust, and love by moonlight.
but every day I move farther away from the shore. I slide deeper under the water.
and a tiny girl can only swim for so long.
I used to dream of trapped birds,abandoned or baked inside wedding cakes and now I dream, endlessly of drowning.
get thee into therapy.
get thee out of this nunnery.
advice = easy to give ~ hard to live
old starlight - new starbright
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