she dreamed the same dream night after night~We are an orchestra of one, we are a majesty unveiling, we are newly born lovers, christening one another with mouths and hands and seeking tongues. We are everything and nothing~ Night is falling. night is falling. and I am drowning. in your arms. I am safe again. I am safe again. You surface me, and cling to me, night is falling and I am in my place again. above you, beneath you, wherever it pleases you so... oh my love, I am home again. My heart has been reborn again. the night is falling. and so am I . Falling for you ( into you, above you, through you). night is falling. night is falling. and so am i. so am i. always for you. for you.

blustarswendy3

~random vintage wendchymes~

prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08

2002-08-27 - 11:20 a.m.

the gardenscape of my mind, is tumbling with weeds. It is overgrown with moss and intricate webs of sinewy silk, and you are the tiny fly that keeps getting caught up in the strands. I have ensnared myself with too many thoughts of you. Why do I do this to myself?

In the dimensionless veil of blackness, when I close my eyes, and curve against the soft night, I can feel myself folding up, curling in, drying up -like an autumn leaf once it has hit the ground. I am growing silver scales, in these dark, lonely, amphibian hours. I am not a mermaid of shimmer. I am the hallucination of ugly and alone. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be brave, old sailors never learn to swim.

holding on, is not letting go.

Holding on to you, is saving me from drowning, but alas, holding on to you, is exhausting me. It is only fighting the inevitable. I am going down. I am sinking. this ship has sailed. this ship is on the spiraling edges of a swirling abyss.

I dream so often of drowning. wearing only the reflection of stars in my eyes, and a screamless mouth, I go under so easily.

You tell me that you are sorry. but there are too many secrets between us now. And you do not even begin to understand.

You fear my eyes, and I fear your truths.

Your secrets of flesh and mine of ghosts.

We are so haunted you and I and neither one of us,is the answer to personal resurrection. I tried so long to save you, you know. I was the soft hand in moonlight, always open to you.

Alas you have made your choices. and so have I. Everything leads us, to this exact moment in time. I tried to imagine living my life differently, wondering if the outcome would have been better, but how is that possible? We are haikus of origami, folded into the pockets of fate. We shaped each other beautifully, altered the tapestry , and then slowly, we tore each other in half. But part of you, lives within me. We are remoras to one anothers very existence. We must live with the consequences of our lives. our words. our mouths. our consuming hearts.

and I must let go. I must not swim. I must surrender. I must believe in endings not being the end of me.

when you said goodbye, in that casual way, and we kissed for the last time. You said, " I will see you soon. this is not goodbye"

and you were right. and you were wrong. you were glistening lies and complexities of truth. You were beautiful and flawed. You were so very lost, and so very found, by far to many. You were an exquisite treasure that I could not keep under glass. You were a butterfly, escaping the cocoon of your self imposed isolation. You were a tiger in the jungle, stalking the prey of beauty and truth. you were not god, but you were my salvation in those shivering breathless hours that belonged only to us and noone else. and now I know, I can let go, because I know where you can be found. the stain of your kiss shall not fade. just because I can touch bottom.

old sailors never learn to swim.

and lovers never forget .

mermaids collect the bones.

fasten them into necklaces

mermaids remember

the whispers of lovers

sighing into dawn

love is the repose of diamonds

the stars,

the souls of the surrendered

the sky is filled with luscious dreams

mermaids sew together the broken promises

weave them into shimmering nets

for new lovers to find

and wish upon

and build new halos of hope

of old sailors and lovers

gone by.

old starlight - new starbright

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