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prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2002-10-01 - 11:33 a.m.
my life is on repeat.
i keep cycling
into the same patterns
of self defeating surrender.
I am always giving up.
well, here I am again.
this is me, giving up.
waving the white flag.
there is no peace.
there is no solution.
even my thoughts
are stuck in a cyclical holding pattern.
a year ago. I was here.
and now a whole annual later I am
right back where I started.
how did I end up, in this dark lonely place.
where I have nothing left to say.
I am angry. and disillusioned.
but I am also much, much too tired to keep fighting.
You have made it so abundantly clear with your actions.
it is your words that leave me so utterly confused.
"you don't care. you don't care. you don't care"
is the endless piercing thread of my neurotic thought tapestry
the prick of your thorny silence says everything.
~newsflash~
no more whispering through the long night, no more breathy sighs.
no more misunderstandings no more lingering goodbyes
you spare me from your truths.
because you think that they will destroy me
but, you know what? they already have, without you ever even opening your mouth.
I used to always wonder. how is it gonna end?
but, it already has. it already has.
that was it. I guess that was the best you could do. (such a shame, cause I know that I could have written us a MUCH better ending, if only you had ever let me be the narrator)
alas, everything ends.
even these words.
end
old starlight - new starbright
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