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prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2003-07-06 - 10:56 a.m.
Tonight, twilight fell like amber drops of rain filtered through angels veiled in layers of white tulle, as the falling sunlight glinted on the thick green leaves of the flowery garden that walls me in. The glow was eerie, brighter than dusk, lighter than day. A storm thundered in the distance while the puppy frolicked at my feet, and the moon was a ghostly slice of white chocolate floating in the nether space of infinite time. Fireflies flickered and hovered like jets approaching the landing strip of bursting pink flowers. Summer is lush, stamens are ripe, the world is pulsing with life. Mosquitos ravaged my flesh. I remorselessly slammed one hard against my arm, flattening him to a black mush of pulpy goo.
and I thought about you, in the moments after I scraped the mosquito corpse from my arm. I thought about how my heart and my mind tell a different story when it comes to you. Neither one is entirely the truth.
and I wonder if the world, is just a science experiment, some 4th grade alien's ant farm universe of earthly humans. and nothing I think makes any sense. and you are so far away, and yet, in the spectrum of the whole of the cosmic universe, you are so eeriely close. We both are trapped, in this same damn glass jar with the same tight lid of blueblacksky. You choose to not even try to break free. You never question or wonder why.
but oh how I tried, to set us free.
and then I felt bad for squishing the mosquito. the world is complex. we are so vulnerable and finite. we love and we die. we create truths and weave intricate lies. Somewhere in between, all the beauty and hate, you and I can be found. Someday, We will be buried, our secrets will crumble back into the forgiving soil. You were the beginning of my tale, but not the end. and when I die, you will never know that I am gone. we never said goodbye. we never said goodbye. but I write to you anyway.
I write you love letters,
here
so that I can have a place to visit you.
I write you, so that I can forget you.
I dream you, so that I can touch your face again.
I ache for you, for all the times, that you held me like snow.
I hate you for growing cold and letting go.
but most of all,
I love you.
for simply being you.
I just wanted you to know.
thank you for existing
I just wanted you to know.
that this is where I come.
to visit you.
this is the cemetary of my heart.
and tonight i leave you flowers.
and poetry.
and pieces of my heart.
and share with you, a moment from the ordinariness of my ordinary day.
this is me,not resisting, this is me missing you~
" tonight the twilight fell like amber........
old starlight - new starbright
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