prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2004-01-11 - 9:59 p.m.
I keep you quilted, I keep you soft and latticed against my cheek when I am sleeping, I keep your ghost as a restless pet, I keep you.
I keep you. Pressed like delicately beautiful wildflowers between the folded pages of my unraveling mind.
I keep sacred the snowglobe memory of you. I shake and rattle and watch the falling snow and remember you as you used to be, before you disappeared back into the recesses of surrendered time, before you disappeared back into the stranger you once were, back into the shadows, of the eventual surrender of finite affairs.
yet, infinitely, and inexplicably, I keep you as mine,
I keep you. I keep you.
in the dark nebulous hours of night, when you are gently sleeping. I think of you softly at 3 a.m., innocently curled in your bed, beneath the blankets I know so well.
I slide under the sheets, drowning in the waves of lavender blue and imagine your dark eyes, flickering with your lostboy dreams. In those hours, I am closer to you, than in any single moment of your waking life. I cradle you in moonlight and candlelit memories, comforting myself in the way it used to be, when you served me your beautiful tongue of roses and that sly mischievous grin.
Always, the thorns were hidden, but I was never afraid to bleed for you, for pricking myself upon the stem of your cascading lies, was never to high a price to pay for the sacredness of a rapturous hour ( upon hour) spent lingering with you in the insatiable bed of our delicious sins.
It is the thought of you now, that taunts me. It is the thought of you, untouched and unchanged, unmarked and unphased at all, that threatens to drown me in an abyss of grey.
I keep you. I keep you.
and you let me go. so easily,
You never even visit my grave. nothing remarkable, nothing memorable about me, for you to save.
You left me to the wolves. You left me to fight my way back from the edges of nothingness. You left me with only the voices inside my head, repeating your silent goodbyes
you left me bruised with fingerprints.
you left me with unexplained bones. and stained with passionate kisses
you left me for dead.
and made me choose life.
and for always,
I keep you. I keep a part of you.
safe and warm, nestled deep inside the secrets of my earthen bed.
old starlight - new starbright
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