prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2004-04-13 - 6:42 p.m.
I have kept you for so long, that I do not begin to know how to let go, when nothing but a few blazingly fierce memories and cruel circumstance, thread us together in a bitter sweetbriar bed, of thorns and roses anymore.
For so long you were my ethiopia. Starving me infinitely and then rushing in, manic and breathless with whispers of love and devotion to save me and cloak me in sin with rations of your love. always catching me unguarded and weak
but oh, the sugary salve of
the sensual whispering all through the luscious lemon meringue night.
your candied voice the only soundtrack my heart ever memorized.
the kissing so slow.and low on the back of my neck
leaving me marked in syrup and tangled in the innocence of bliss and afterglow
but somehow always alone.
I kept you as a ghost and then a restless fickle pet.
I opened the door, and told you to leave. issued my threats.
but you won't leave me.
you always tell me that you don't believe me, when I scream at you to just go!
You need me to need you.
but finally someone needs me more.
Someone so tiny and new.
Mi Estrella Azul is coming so soon.
the dr said anytime now, she could make her debut.
She has a sweeping halo of dark hair covering her perfectly round little head. I saw it so clearly in the ultrasound and now I can barely sleep
I think. this is my daughter. This is my child. The fairy tale I never allowed myself to believe in.
I couldn't win at love.
but somehow. I walked away with
the pot of gold.
and you. still have.
your demons. to raise.
watch me.
I am walking away.
" but I still know who you are"
maybe someday.
we will be perfect.
but for now.
I am perfectly ok.
without you.
old starlight - new starbright
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