wendchymes

she dreamed the same dream night after night~We are an orchestra of one, we are a majesty unveiling, we are newly born lovers, christening one another with mouths and hands and seeking tongues. We are everything and nothing~ Night is falling. night is falling. and I am drowning. in your arms. I am safe again. I am safe again. You surface me, and cling to me, night is falling and I am in my place again. above you, beneath you, wherever it pleases you so... oh my love, I am home again. My heart has been reborn again. the night is falling. and so am I . Falling for you ( into you, above you, through you). night is falling. night is falling. and so am i. so am i. always for you. for you.

~random vintage wendchymes~

prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08

2004-08-11 - 11:23 p.m.

Sierra is growing faster than I can contain my love for her, and everyday I am overflowing with gratitude to have her in my life. She falls asleep clutching my pinkie and stares at me, with a shimmering twinkle in her bluegreengreybrown eyes, until morpheus steals her from me.

She has tiny diamond earrings now, and her dark hair is disappearing at a fast rate. She is doing her share to diminish it, she has inherited my insiduous hair twisting when tired or distracted. She tugs so forcefully on the left side, and when I look closely at her head, I can see, tiny threads of golden hair, emerging. I can't imagine her as a blonde. but life is always full of surprises.

and some are good, and some are not. It appears that I am about to be entangled in a full blown legal matter, that I never wanted to beinvolved in. The state is forcing me to name Sierra's paternity because I didn't have insurance,when i was pregnant and as such, NY State is seeking to recoup their costs for Sierra's birth and to secure health insurance and child support for her.

I never wanted him involved, since he never wanted to be involved. I made the descions that I made, based on my heart. something so simple. metamorphed into something so complicated and political. And too many people have said all the wrong things to me, whenever I voiced my opinion. I have lost friends. from the repercussions of having my baby. throughout my pregnancny, I was encased in the feelings of everyone else. Jealousy, possessiveness,fear, rage, denial, fury and arrogance all rolled into one. and noone seemed to care. how i felt. or what i believed in.

and yet, I always I tried to be so considerate of everyone's feelings. of the politics of it all.

too considerate i guess. because noone seemed to respect me, or think that I could do this all on my own.

not even NY state.

and she is so innocent. so wonderous and sweet. She has a smile that is infinite and can eclipse the sun. She was born into my heart from the moment I knew she was real.