prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08

2005-09-17 - 10:41 a.m.

the last week has been a blur, a haze of sickness.. of high fever, of sleeplessness, and febrile convulsions, and trips to the er and dr's office and many many calls to the answering service..

and finally, we have respite. Sierra had roseola, a common rite of passage for babies, but when it is your baby, in the throes of a raging fever that is seeping 104.3 from her every pore, and she is crying out in agony, and dehyrdrating in front of your very eyes... and convulsing and trembling in rigidity from the fever,

well, it is the most terrifying experience in the world.

There is no love like this, so there is no worry/fear/angst/terror like this when your child is suffering.

To love this deeply, to feel so protective and nurturing, to be so consumed by one tiny little person, can be so overwhelming.

I feel more love than I can explain, it pulses against every surface of my being, and I am always so aware that every minute, of every day, i am the one wholly responsible for Sierra. for her entire safety, for her physical, emotional, spiritual,financial well being.

and I am trying. so hard.

I love her so much. It is effortless to love her, the challenge is in the keeping of her, keeping her healthy and safe... when so many dangers lurk,

oh how she loves to jump... she never looks before she leaps, leaps from the table to the sofa, the back of the sofa to the coffee table, the high chair to the floor, and she can outclimb many 3 year olds at the playground, as she makes her way to the very top, for the gleeful experience of sliding down,

and to see her, for so many days brought to listlessness, and limp with fever.... has left me rung out with exhaustion and worry.

Finally she is well again. Finally she is taking a bottle of water, Finally she is accepting a bright red popsicle ( her favourite thing in the world) Finally she is back to her shenanigans.

returned to the mischief ( and magicalness) of her everyday existence.

and now when she jumps from the sofa, instead of holding my breath. with worry. finally.

I can exhale.

My baby is well again.

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