she dreamed the same dream night after night~We are an orchestra of one, we are a majesty unveiling, we are newly born lovers, christening one another with mouths and hands and seeking tongues. We are everything and nothing~ Night is falling. night is falling. and I am drowning. in your arms. I am safe again. I am safe again. You surface me, and cling to me, night is falling and I am in my place again. above you, beneath you, wherever it pleases you so... oh my love, I am home again. My heart has been reborn again. the night is falling. and so am I . Falling for you ( into you, above you, through you). night is falling. night is falling. and so am i. so am i. always for you. for you.

blustarswendy3

~random vintage wendchymes~

prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08

2006-03-01 - 11:03 a.m.


I am a little bit heartbroken.

Sierra is "daddy" obsessed.

and considering that she doesn't have one, in her life, it breaks my heart a little bit.

Because. She knows all about daddy's.

she thinks they are fun. that they are nice. that they give piggy back rides, and give baby's their baths sometimes... and take them to the park, and buy them ice cream cones... and love them.

I never thought she would be so aware, so young. I underestimated her exposure to her cousin's who have a great " daddy", playdates with other kids and their fun "daddy", reading books, and of course television and movies.

When we are driving sometimes, she will point out a guy walking down the street, and tell me " that a daddy" " the daddy go bye - bye"

and everytime she says that, my heart breaks a little bit more.

She plays house and has the dolly call " daddy" on the cellphone, and she loves to point out daddy's at the supermarket, and the park, and the bank, and the mall..etc and I can give her 100 piggy back rides.. but it isn't the same. She knows she is missing out.

she is only 22 months.

I was not prepared for this awareness so young. so early.

Lucky for me, I have the worlds greatest father. She loves LOVES LOVES him, and I am so grateful for the time that she gets to spend with him. He comes to Syracuse about once a month and when he is around, she wants to hold his hand, not mine. We went to friendly's for lunch and she demanded to ride in "grampa's car". to sit next to grampa, to walk with grampa... etc.

and she heard me call. my father.

dad, in conversation

and she got so excited.

and started calling him dad! too.

I feel so bad,.. I can spend the rest of my life, trying to give sierra everything, but I will never be able to give her a daddy.

and I worry. that no matter how much I love her that she will have an empty space inside somewhere.

I want so much more for her, I hope that in the end, someday she will understand.

please god. help me to help her understand.

old starlight - new starbright

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