prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2007-07-07 - 1:34 p.m.
Dear Sierra,
I am so madly in love with you, that words escape me, when I try to write about just HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. I know that the only way that you will ever truly understand, will be when you become a mother yourself.
Sometimes I feel like, I have been waiting my whole life, to be your mother, and now these years are my pay off. If I could keep you this age, this innocent, this sweet and loving forever, I would...
We are still visiting in lake placid, and I feel such a strong sense of contentedness, with you, that I never felt before. I have been to Lake Placid NY, many times before,and I always knew that it was a beautiful place, but somehow, I always carried a sense of isolation and lonlieness with me, whenever I visited before. This time, on the drive up through the winding rockwall mountain carved roads and past the scenic river streams filled with flyfishermen, I remarked out loud how beautiful everything was. and it was a profound moment for me, because you were in the back seat sleeping, and I realized, that I was no longer so alone, and that, in many ways you have become my best friend. you are always with me, we are always together and as long as I have you, I will never be alone again.
and so, everything, looks beautiful to me. and Sierra, everything is beautiful. I love watching you play with the big kids, chasing them around the yard, trying to catch up. Oh you are growing so wonderfully full of life, you have even started swimming for the first time, all by yourself, and you are soooo proud ! You put your face right into the water, and paddled, fearlessly and popped up your head to my amazement and said " look mommy, I not drowning!!!I can swim all by myself!"
and at night, you like to tell me stories, and last night you made one up, about a crock-o-gator, that lives in grammy's pool. If I could pick one moment to spend all of eternity in, it would be right before you fall asleep. I love to watch your face, the fluttering of your long dark lashes, as you close your eyes, right before you drift away into the sweeest sleep.
Most nights, we usually talk about the events of the day, and then we make a wish on the stars together, and then, I sing you a lullaby about all of the people who love you,
You love this lullaby, and now, you sing it back to me.
Everyday,you bring my heart to life again, and I literally wipe tears of joy, everytime I think about how much happiness that you have brought to my world, without you, I would be nothing.
I am JUST so thankful and I hope that when you are all grown up that you will realize fully, just how loved you have always been, Everynight, I thank you for choosing me, and last night, you before I could say it, you said " I CHOOSED YOU TO BE MY MOMMY !"
( sierra's lullaby sung to frere jacque)
mommy loves you, grammy loves you, papa too, papa too... mommy loves sierra, mommy loves sierra, yes, I do, yes I do.....
lyssa loves you, tara loves you, mar mar too, mar mar too, annaka loves sierra, annaka loves sierra, yes she does, yes she does...
everyone loves sierra, everyone loves sierra, yes we do, yes we do... nana loves you, nana loves you, erin too... erin too.... everyone loves sierra, everyone loves sierra, yes we do....
( it repeats for many versues full of family members and friends names, and usually by the end, you are asleep)
and I sometimes hear you singing this lullaby to your babies and your cousins, and even the dogs...
and yes, now you sing it to me....
everything comes full circle.
( someday I will tell you that story, when you are old enough)
I love you my angelbaby,
love, mommy
old starlight - new starbright
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