she dreamed the same dream night after night~We are an orchestra of one, we are a majesty unveiling, we are newly born lovers, christening one another with mouths and hands and seeking tongues. We are everything and nothing~ Night is falling. night is falling. and I am drowning. in your arms. I am safe again. I am safe again. You surface me, and cling to me, night is falling and I am in my place again. above you, beneath you, wherever it pleases you so... oh my love, I am home again. My heart has been reborn again. the night is falling. and so am I . Falling for you ( into you, above you, through you). night is falling. night is falling. and so am i. so am i. always for you. for you.

blustarswendy3

~random vintage wendchymes~

prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08

2001-11-13 - 12:13 p.m.

I used to think that there was immense comfort in knowing someone so well, that you can read their thoughts from across the room and can hear their whispered responses in your head. You always have them with you, carrying them softly inside of you ~everywhere~ so when you see the endless things that remind you of them, the thoughts flutter across your mind and brings a gentle smile to your face. And I would think, wow, that is the best feeling in the world, to know someone so intimately that they are ~ always~ with you.

Until one dreaded day they are no longer with you, and they do not want to THINK about you, and they do not care how much YOU think about them, which only makes it worse, because then you really CAN NOT STOP thinking about them. I remember, waking up, and there would be this one peaceful nanosecond, between the restless hours of sleep, and cruel vague consciousness which would then slap me in the face with the sinking realization that my waking world, has become my true nightmare. The person I was so used to thinking about from the very moment I would wake up, doesn't care doesn't care doesn't care about me, at all. And every morning it would be like being hit by a runaway train, on an unrelenting collision course through my enormous shattering heart.

Then, one lonely cold day I just simply gave up. It is easy to give up. So Unbelievably easy to lay down and surrender to the unloveable bitterness of self inflicted solitude. It is also to easy to become ugly and self loathing but now, so many hours and days and months and years later, I realize that I am t i r e d of that. I am TIRED of dragging around the weight of a heavy heart with scar tissue. I am tired of not believing in miracles, and not having hope. and you know why?

There is a deliciousness to be found in the layers of discovering someone else, and entering into their pretty little blue world. They exist, and you exist and you find spectacular coincidences bringing you closer ,just because they were born in the 19th CENTURY , in the same galaxy as you! ( just like you, just like you ) You somehow have private jokes between you, and develop your own complicated language of silliness. Yes, this is wonderful, because it means, IT CAN HAPPEN?! Maybe someday I will even fall in love ( for the first time for the first time, because maybe what was lost was never even real love ). You do not HAVE to always be defined by who you were, maybe you ARE who you are BECOMING. And somehow I feel lighter and free'r and more beautiful then I never was. I am BECOMING ME AGAIN, only better and brighter.

and you want to know why? I will tell you soon about the thousand little birds that gave hope back to me, and why.

old starlight - new starbright

Click here to read the WendChymes archives

Please make a wish and sign my Guestbook!

My star profile

Google

Picture 085

chasing dreams

www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from wendchymes. Make your own badge here.

(C) wendchymes 2008

Please make a wish and sign my Guestbook!

hosted by DiaryLand.com