prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2002-01-09 - 11:10 a.m.
So, don't you want to Congratulate me? I have a new baby sister!! Well, sort of. My parents have accepted full legal custody of an exquisitely beautiful little 9 month old baby, named Marissa.
She is so adorable, and cherubic faced, and looks up adoringly at you, with this angelic, gurgling grin. Her lashes are extremely long and curly, and her eyes the most sparkling brown you have ever seen. In fact, when I first held her, it was her sparkling eyes, that enchanted me most. I started calling her sparkly eyes, because you just have to gaze into them, to believe in god. I am not very religious, and am always doubting, but in the kaleidescope of her eyes, I see only the most beautiful and pure truths I have ever held~ softly.
and I sooo wish she was mine. This little star that came tumbling into the world, and landed into our arms. and this isn't how it is supposed to be, is it? Cause in my heart, I wish she was mine. I wish those sparkling eyes, and this darling baby, belonged to me, and that she was always in my arms. and this isn't how it is supposed to be, is it?
because I am 31. and I should be having my own baby. Instead, I bought a layette for my mother, and endless dresses and F.A.O. Schwartz overstuffed animals and toys for my new baby sister. and call me insane, but that really isn't how it is supposed to be.
but, if you could see her smile, you would understand this bittersweet ache. Empty arms, and a broken heart and this isn't how it was supposed to be, at all. but, if anyone has the power to heal a broken heart and fill the emptiness, it would be this baby. She is just *that* beautiful. Alas, once again, I will have to be on the edges, of her life, the fringe role of the big sister. Seems I am always on the outside, looking in...
but, someday I will take her to Disney world, and send her disney dvd's every month, and when she is old enough, she will run to the mailbox to see if her big sister, sent her a fairy godmother package, complete with confetti, Hello Kitty pencils, and most importantly, glittery lip glosses. I will buy her all the dolls, that I ever wanted, and haunt bookstores looking for copies of my favourite picture books,that I once knew by heart. I will do with her, all the things, I thought I would have been doing, by now, with a little girl of my very own. But, since that isn't very likely to happen, I will have to accept things, for the gift that they are. How they came to us, is not important, just that they came to you, somehow, when you needed them most. You are my treasure,Marissa.
Welcome to the World, little sparkling star.
You are loved, so much more than you even know.
You have broken my heart little sparkling star, but in a good way.
You are home, and everything ~is~ as it is ~supposed~ to be.
old starlight - new starbright
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