she dreamed the same dream night after night~We are an orchestra of one, we are a majesty unveiling, we are newly born lovers, christening one another with mouths and hands and seeking tongues. We are everything and nothing~ Night is falling. night is falling. and I am drowning. in your arms. I am safe again. I am safe again. You surface me, and cling to me, night is falling and I am in my place again. above you, beneath you, wherever it pleases you so... oh my love, I am home again. My heart has been reborn again. the night is falling. and so am I . Falling for you ( into you, above you, through you). night is falling. night is falling. and so am i. so am i. always for you. for you.

blustarswendy3

~random vintage wendchymes~

prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08

2002-06-02 - 9:04 p.m.

waltz of words ~in the beginning~

Dear K ~

I would happily carve you from my own flesh, if it was at all possible. I wonder what it would be like, if we could create one another anew like that. I would exist to create, I could create to exist.

but for now, I have to be content with what little I do have. I exist in a life that I never dreamed of.working. sleeping. working. I matter not. I wish to create a life that means something( beyond these chains that bind me)

My day was fine. It is the same day over and over. I hug the baby, he clings to me, with his little baby amour. He gives me drooling open mouth kisses and brings me treasures carried in the chubby folds of his tiny fists. He lays offerings of beads and leaves at my feet, and points excitedly at the birds that soar overhead, lest I should miss out on them. He wants to show me the whole world. Every single second he finds somethng new.

We stroll the mall, and he turns around in his carriage jut to reassure himself that I am there, and that he is not alone. He points to the lights and the passing faces of all the people. He cringes if a stranger approaches, and reaches out for the safety of me. I cradle him tenderly and he buries his sweet smelling pale blonde head, into my neck. We stop at the courtyard by the fountains for a quick lunch. He always attempts to share his soggy french fries with me. It thrills him to see me open my mouth and accept one of his offerings, ( I am not so pleased but I can deny him nothing, and he knows it) I show him how to toss coins into the fountain, and have to stop him from trying to eat the nickels. We sing silly songs on the car ride home and he reaches out his little paw from the confines of the car seat, and we hold hands. His tiny little fingers curled softly around mine. He fights sleep the whole way home, his eyes falling quick as a winter night, and I scoop him out of the seat and carry him into the house. He raises a sleepy head and looks at me with complete contentment and trust, before he drops his head back down and surrenders into his nap. We lay down on the bed, and I curve my body along side his. He is the bright shining sun and I am the whole blue sky. I wait for him to fall deeper asleep, so I can try to slip away, but he stirs and nestles in closer, throwing a possessive little arm across my waist. We stay in this embrace for an hour. I stroke his hair, he glides his hand along my bare arm. ( I love him so much, He will never remember this, but I shall never forget) He awakens slowly. The first thing, he sees, is his smiling reflection in my tender, love filled eyes.

The afternoon is drawing to a close, I give him his juice and hold him softly. He fills my lap, he fils my heart. We drive back to his house, and find his two wild brothers chasing each other outside. We prefer to go inside and build blocks. I prepare him his dinner, and bathe his little cherub body. His golden hair glistens and he is all slippery. Gingerly I lift him from the sudsy water and carry him to his room. I slip him into his fluffy pajamas and he brushes my hair with his soft little baby brush. We return to the living room and play. He crawls away and looks back with a flirtacious grin. He wants me to follow him. always. I play along. It is a silly game, but he loves it so ( I love him so)

We feed each other tiny toddler cookies, and read Big ABC picture books. I hold him tightly, ( or perhaps is he holding me?) and I run my hand along his back, soothing him, as we gently rock. We listen to soft lullabyes and whisper in the dark. he is not alone in thescary darkness, I am there to save him from the imagined demons of the night - (who is gonna save me?)I reluctantly surrender him to the serenity of his quilted crib and cover him as the moon peeks through the window ( watching over us both)

The night has come for us, and my day is done ( but not my love, I miss him when he has left me for dreams)

I tiptoe out of his room, ( and someday his life) and I return to the desserted living room, to pick up the toys that are scattered everywhere.

This was my day. This will be my tomorrow. ( and the day after) I am home now. He has been sleeping for 1 hour and 53 minutes. and although I am a 11 miles away, I swear that

I can hear him breathing.

Oh, K this is my life as a nanny, my life in Florida in grey February, 1995. and I wish I could create you, so that you would appear right now. and just hold me.

~w

old starlight - new starbright

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