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prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2002-07-01 - 8:18 p.m.
I wonder if anyone is happy?
You don't seem very happy, and you do not seem very sad. rather You seem so disinterested and vague. Indifferent to the point of extreme frustration
Why can't I knock you to the floor and force words out of you? because I really really really want too.
I want to push you, and shove you, and grab fistfuls of your hair, I want to see your rage, well up until you burst with true emotions.I want you to actually FEEL your FEELINGS and stop being a disinterested narrator of your own life played out as a novel in your head. I am not a girl that you can write into quirky adoration. I am not the nabokov heroine that you dream of or the supermodel you lust after. I am wendy. I am simply just me. and I can't help it, I want you to scream at me, and push me down, your strong thighs pinning me to the floor, both of us panting, eyes flashing, the heat of our fiery opinions scorching our tongues. You yelling at me, sweat dripping from your brow, and screaming like you used too. that you love me. god damn it!!.
and me, eyes forced wide open, your mouth inches from mine, smelling the sticky sweetness of a whiskey sour on your breath, and suddenly noticing my body glitter, shimmering on your face. and feeling an overwhelming rush of tenderness tinged with adrenaline. because you are My big muscley boy, covered in glitter. my glitter. your hands digging into my flesh, spreading with a heat that flames us both. the rhythym of our breath comes gasping in sharp angles, cutting us with the intensity of rageful passion.
your grip on me lessens,but I am never defenseless. I could easily have flung you off of me , but you make me want to submit. You think you have tamed me, but I have trained you well.
until that day.
when love walked a thin, melting line.
and shattered me into a million pieces
fear can slice at the very core of your heart
and lies become truths yet to be revealed
the silence that was always between us
fell in delicate layers
tucked under lilac sented sheets
until it screamed louder
than us at midnight ( dipped in moonlight and one another)
and now you wound me with your indifference
and vague supposed curiousity about my life
why do you care how I am?
why do you think I care about how you are? ( although sickly I do )
yet, the saddest part is that I can't make what happened go away
and yet I can't forget the way it all played out.
old starlight - new starbright
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