prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2002-12-20 - 1:42 p.m.
my obsessions are boundless but thankfully, finite.
last week, I voiced aloud that I was happy. I may have even gone so far as to say that I was VERY HAPPY!
and the world deemed me arrogant. and the angry gods unleashed their lightening bolts of fury and sent them harpooning straight towards me.
on fri the 13th, i reached into the silverware drawer to grab a fork, and ended up impaling the fleshy pad of my right middle finger with an extraordinarily sharp 12 inch butcher knife, that the housekeeper absentmindly placed face up in the drawer, instead of securing it safely in it's tight little black corsetted safety sheath.
I have lost some feeling in the frontal tip of that finger, so clearly there is nerve damage. It feels weird, i press it constantly, because the sensation seems sharp yet so far away, throbbing deep beneath the dull surface. It is almost as if my emotional state has metamorphised into the tip of my finger.
and To think i went weeks without crying in the car. but this week, proved to be the undoing of all that, I heard a song on the radio, and in a fit of mania, bought it immediately., I have been playing it nonstop... I literally do not even let it come to an end, before I hit play again. I am a 13 year old girl forever. who fears endings, even when it is just a song on the radio. This time the song is called Spin. by Lifehouse. Other songs I have developed obsessive tendacies with recently include ( but are in no way limited to)
It's been a while by stain'd
Well I Wonder by the smiths
every single fucking cure song
Joey by concrete blonde
Under the Milky Way by the church
Just another by Pete Yorn
Yellow by Coldplay
anything by Lloyd Cole
China Tori Amos
like all self consumed neurotic people, i sometimes imagine my life as a foreign film. with bizarre sub titles.
I have been eclipsed by your silence, that perches beneath my door.
and the other night I was complaining to a friend of mine, about my uber lonely extreme unrequited -love filled existence, and he said to me,
that the universe is completely in balance, and it just means, that I am closed to the affections of some unknown person who is pining away for me. I almost choked on the vitriol of my response as my abundant sarcasm rose fiercely to the surface . I told him that he was being utterly ridiculous. because in my entire life, noone has ever once pined for my attentions.
he told me to open myself to the possibility.
I couldn't possibly be any more open....than if... ( insert filthy inuendo of your very own making in this space)
but, if anyone out there is filled with yearning for me, hark, make yeself known, before I start sewing rocks into the hem of my dress. :)
"Come down to my house
Stick a stone in your mouth
You can always pull out
If you like it too much...~"
~garbage
old starlight - new starbright
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