prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2003-01-09 - 9:46 a.m.
sinking
we are sinking, like stones. You are slowdrowning me, under waterfilled skies. The world is a million miles away, the surface of my life, a long lost memory. I am going down, going under these waves, watching you drift away like a faded love letter in a sea green bottle.
We were a story, that I would have read, only my existance in your world, was never the same as yours in mine. You have the lead role in my life, and yet, in yours I was only a guest star. A passing fancy.
I was safe in the unrequitedness of us. You could touch me, and leave a pulsing scar, that I could trace at night and remember your lingering caress upon me. Your kiss burns from my always wanting more, and whenever I moved beneath you, you always moved away. You held me softly, when you thought I was sleeping, you closed your eyes when you thought I was not peeking. You remembered far away thoughts, when we were close, and dreamt of others, when I whispered your name.
You loved me, but from a great distance. I loved you, and could never feel you close ~enough~. It was as if my love for you, chilled me to the bone, and I could never find enough warmth eminating from you, to take the chill away.
This is not how love is supposed to be. I do not wish you away, I only wish us better. because, there were glimpses in you, of a life I could have had. I saw our future in fairy tales, and we were happy. we were happy. There were babies and puppies and bills stacked to the ceiling and spilled ice cream cones. There were trips to far away places and long car rides, and boxes of chinese take out. There were stains on the carpet, and broken wine glasses and shopping for new couches. There were nights that were endless and days without end, and wishes held onto , and laughter splashing from beneath our bedroom door.There were soft angora rabbits and badly built science projects and overcooked breakfast in bed. There were crying children, and family portraits and twinkling christmas lights, hung like stars. There were sapphire and diamond and macaroni strung necklace's that I always wore. There were chaotic carpool rides and visits to dr's and planting tulips in the garden and smoky barbeques filling the back yard. There were summer picnics and school conferences and a secret language all of our own. There were endings and beginnings.
and this right now
is just the in between.
the in between
of a life
that I can see
but can not
find my way too.
my way back.
my way back,
my way back
to you.
old starlight - new starbright
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