prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2003-07-29 - 7:18 p.m.
I am unraveling faster than I can spin.
I am no butterfly. this is no meta morphisis. this is just the end of everything as I knew it to be.
you took me for granted.
and then, you never ever bothered to take me anywhere else.
and I thought my drama defined me, i thought my tragicness was unique , turns out that I am all kinds of ordinary melting in the intolerable heat of an ordinary day.
You think I am pretty, from far far away. From the safety of your arctic shores.
You crashed my heart,into a brick wall while icicles formed in the indifferent sky. You could care less, You could pretend to care more.
Today I almost passed out, I honest to god, couldn't breathe. My breath came much too fast, I had an extreme hyper ventilation. My neck went tense, and the veins pulsed like hummingbird wings in mid flight. Everything was blurred and time sped up and reminded me that we are never more than a split second away from utter anihilation.
I am so god damn, ~stripped down to the bone~, VULNERABLE right now, that it is PAINFUL to exist within this hypothermic isolation, to be pricked back to the surface of consciousness, and yet everything that brings me closer to the end, brings me closer to the thought of you. When I leave this world, The edges of my life will fold up and close like a lotus flower asleep , with only the memory of you hiden deep within the disintigrating center.
You are my hearts greatest wish,
my lifes biggest mistake,
my mind's only distraction,
my soul's one true attraction
there is no sense, no rhyme no reason.
I love you. I hate you. I just thought you should know.
and I really don't know which one scares me more.
old starlight - new starbright
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