prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2003-08-23 - 4:33 p.m.
Do you remember that drive through the rolling vista of our long lost wonderland, when my favourite song came on the radio, and you started singing it to me, and you stopped, because I started to cry?
but, when you thought that I was sad, I was, crumpled and tiny, hidden behind the sheer happiness of seeing you again, tucking the pain away behind my luminous smile, because it was all just so achingly bittersweet. You stopped singing, because you could see that I was softly crying, my tears made you uneasy, and I could not even explain to you, why it was that I was crying. If only I could have told you then, that a part of me was slowly dying when the realization hit me, with the sheer magnitude of all that I was losing, in the split second, of loving you this much.
I was sitting in the middle of the spinning present, knowing full well what the future would become, when the moment was gone. What was written in water, would soon be carved in stone. I cried because your words were a gift, your voice so kind, gently filling the empty, seeping spaces of my lonely existence. The warmth of your eyes penetrating the chill of my solitude and in that absolute time in space, I was a ghost to my own memory. I was trying to sculpt you into my history, let the sweet baritone of your song penetrate my protective core. I was closing up, but letting you in, before the bridges were drawn. I was trying to absorb the beauty of your face before your shadow crossed the new horizon of another dawn and night closed the curtains on our very last dance. oh such cruel circumstance to allow us only one last chance.
And so, yes, here I sit, the other side of then, in a strange place called now. Where you exist, still, but rise to face the sun in someone else's endless sky, oh the song you sang then, was the song for lovers gone bye. You left with my heart pinned to your sleeve. You left me marked for all eternal eve. I saw your scar fading into the amber of your skin, when you lifted your shirt to show me the remnant of a fiery battle, that you were once in. That night I dreamt of kissing the seam of your scar, running my tongue along the jagged edge, not erasing it, but embracing the beauty of it, the shape like a river twisting into the consuming sea. I cried to remember the song. I cried at the imprint of time, marking the passage of our fleeting history. Eventually, You took your leave, but not before wiping a single tear from my cheek and pressing it to your lips. We have tasted one another, bathed in an ambrosia of salt and honeyed musk, only surfacing for air. our mouths have been sealed with flickering tongues in silent reverie. You have filled my throat with poetry, to trembling capacity, my screams have inscribed your soul and in every throbbing, pulsing moment, we were always about to disappear. Time erases us all. But some things, beautiful and shimmering are left behind.
a single tear weeps to the floor.
And shatters.
Everything Matters. Everything Matters
Oh this unrelenting pain that I am in, I wouldn't trade it away at all. to be left without the memory of you, is more than I can contain, so I cling to the pictures inside my head. My beloved, I am not bereft, I am overjoyed to have held you like the wind in the midst of rain. I never took you for granted. How could I? but my love held steady, my love is all that remains.
Everything matters. Everything matters.
Especially you, my beautiful boy blue. so sing me your song. here with me, is where you belong. Sing me your song. Don't stop, just because I am weeping. Keep trying. Play away, serenade the night and sing the restless stars to sleep, while the breathless angels sigh with jealousy, for when I look into your tiger striped eyes, I am swept away, lost at sea to a great love capsized. and I know that some day we shall meet again, and the heavens will align, and our hearts and hands will entwine, in the eclipse of eternity. and on your lips, I will taste the sweet kiss of evermore. So sing away. Time is fleeting, but this one last chance meeting, was so clandestine. Play away. Sing that I am yours. and you. my love, ~ are forever mine.
old starlight - new starbright
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