she dreamed the same dream night after night~We are an orchestra of one, we are a majesty unveiling, we are newly born lovers, christening one another with mouths and hands and seeking tongues. We are everything and nothing~ Night is falling. night is falling. and I am drowning. in your arms. I am safe again. I am safe again. You surface me, and cling to me, night is falling and I am in my place again. above you, beneath you, wherever it pleases you so... oh my love, I am home again. My heart has been reborn again. the night is falling. and so am I . Falling for you ( into you, above you, through you). night is falling. night is falling. and so am i. so am i. always for you. for you.

blustarswendy3

~random vintage wendchymes~

prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08

2004-06-29 - 10:35 p.m.

Sierra and I have been visiting my sister and her 2 children,in Kingston, NY for the last 2 weeks. In this relatively short span of time, Sierra has had a big growth spurt. It is amazing to wake up every morning, and try to notice all of the many amazing differences that seem to occur in Sierra literally overnight.

She sleeps curled up against my side, like a kitten with her soft pink cheek nestled smoothly against my skin and by some miracle of the heavens, she has been sleeping thru the night for a few weeks now, and usually only wakes me up once, to nurse or have a bottle.

We have a wonderful morning wake up ritual, when she first opens her eyes and looks at me, she smiles and I talk to her and, she coos in elabrate ah's and oooo's and tries to talk back to me. She romances and charms me with every flutter of her lashes. She also loves to stare at the ceiling fans and one of her most favorite things to do in the whole world, is to have a bath. She LOVES it, I think that there is something comforting and familiar about the warm water, it reminds her of a distant memory, of a dark cozy place that she once called home.

We are also settling into a better rhthym and routine. For her first 6 weeks, she never ever let me put her down, but now, she seems to enjoy her swing... and quite often it lulls her to sleep. She crunches up, and bends forward, with her head against the side of the swing, it never looks comfortable, I try to rearrange her, or prop her back up with blankets.. but she inevitably crunches herself back up again, hence I have nicknamed her Crumpled flower.

Today she started laughing out loud, in that open mouthed grin, that makes me want to swoon... and always makes me think " precious girl, you can have whatever you want, I am utterly and hopelessly defenseless against that beautiful smile" and for the first time, I glimpsed her sweet little dimple. It is her father's smile.

It makes me remember him with a sudden gush of tender sentiment. Perhaps he hates me, For the choices I made. But..

I can't imagine my life without her.

This morning, she was in the bath with her 2 adoring cousins, one was holding her and the other one was gently washing her tiny baby feet....amd sierra was grinning and grinning away. My heart almost beat out of my chest... I love her so much. and in that instant, I truly realized how much she has changed me. It is as if she was always with me... but by giving birth to her, I have been reborn too. I am joyful in a way that I have never known before.

every colour is brighter.

every flower is sweeter.

I have lost my bitter.

and I do not care that I have no money, no job, no relationship and no plans.

I have my beautiful baby.

mi guagua

and tonight, for the first time in my life... it is enough!

old starlight - new starbright

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