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prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2005-05-10 - 9:58 a.m.
There are so many things about sierra, that I wish I could capture and hold onto, forever. She is changing so much, and everyday that I gain something more and more precious, in every way, I lose just a little. of my darling baby. because she is growing Growing GROWING!
I write here now for myself. so that I will remember, collecting these moments like seashells, to hold onto, long after summer ends.
Please god, help me never to forget,
the way she flaps her little hand into the phone waving goodbye to whomever she is speaking to,
or the way, she races into the bathroom, and starts tossing her toys into the tub, and tries to hurl herself in as well, because she just can't wait,
or how she now carries a purse, in the crook of her elbow, and takes it on walks, because she likes to pick flowers and place them in the bag,
and likes to sit atop the sit n spin handle, like it is a toad stool, and watch t.v.
please god, let me never forget
how she likes to say "Mama!" and I answer "Yes Sierra?" and then she says "MAMA !" again, even louder, and I SAY "YES!?" and she screams "MAMAMA" at the top of her lungs and i say "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?" and she collapses into a fit of giggles,
or the way, she holds out her arms, and laughs when the car windows are down, and she can feel the breeze of newfound spring air ruffling against her skin and hair...
or how she will bring me her little white sandals, because she wants me to take her outside,
or the way, she kisses and hugs her stuffed animals and rocks them in her arms, and hums them a little lullaby
and how she loves to wear my sunglasses and crinkles up her nose and laughs at me, whenever I place them on her
and dear god, please never let me forget the way she points at the dogs, and says " BAD!!!!" because she has become their alpha leader.....and loves to discipline them...
and may I always remember how she likes to push her little shopping carts, and fills it with all her little treasures that she finds along the way,
or how she starts shaking her head from side to side, and tells herself "nonononono!", as she approaches a forbidden cupboard and then looks back at me, with a cheeky grin as she goes to open it....
and please let me never forget how she reaches up for me, to save her, to be the one to comfort and protect her, when she falls down, and how, for now, It is enough and I can soothe her, dear god, please let me always be able to kiss and smooth away her tears
and dear god, please let me always remember, what it feels like to hold her folded into my arms, at night when she is sleeping, the warm breath on my neck, the sweetness of her dreaming smile
I gift wrap these memories, scrapbook and archive them away, I hold onto them, and let them go, only to search for them again and again....
for so long I was unhappy, lost to myself, trying to wish my life away, I tried to find myself in material things, and cruel strangers pretending to be my friends which inevitably caused me to lose interest in everything that once inspired and excited me, but now, I have an inner calmness, a peace I never knew before, I finally found my identity in someone worth loving,
I finally know who I am. I am sierra's mom
and for the first time, that is enough
old starlight - new starbright
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