prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2005-08-12 - 7:01 p.m.
beneath her smile, of luminous glow...~
Sierra is sleeping, as I type this. She is so peaceful, one hand twined under the blankie, twisting it in rhtymic kneading, as her chest rises and falls in the pattern of sleepy breathing...
her face tan from the summer, so many afternoons spent swimmng at my mother's house, sierra in her pink ruffled bikini bottom's, leaping leaping leaping into my arms, and then sitting on the pool steps, with a lemon ice popsicle in her right hand, and splashing me, with the other, and oh how she giggles...
her little body, so strong, she scales and climbs stairs and couches, and coffee tables and book cases, as easily as a capuchin leaps from tree to tree, and so it is that we call her monkey and danger baby and little mischief maker,
and she screams h'iiiiiii and waves her hands at everyone, she thinks every stranger, is just another potential friend, to her the world is safe, and she only knows love.
she only knows love and adoration, from me, and all who encounter her royal princess'ness.
and oh how she loves shoes. she brings me her new shoes. every morning. so proud is she, of their shinyness, of their shoe-ly beauty, to her, shoes = bye bye. and bye bye always = fun,
in the car, she watches dvd's of Dora the explorer... and yells when the dvd is over, and points at it, until I push "play" again, she drinks her juice, and eats her raisins, and hugs her baby, while I drive.
and she can say.
mamamamama and 'ome on, and KITTY! and dogdog, and bad! and no no no no ! 'ere go, and jewwwwwwwce, and baba!, and 'ank ooo, and dood dye, and popopkle and uh oh and vowwwww, and my all time favorurite... hmmmmmmmm, which she uses for situations that perplex her....
and she loves to climb up behind me, and wrap her arms around my neck, and hug me, and kiss me on the top of my head... so sweetly,
that I literally feel the surface of love, that i have for her surging into my every fiber of being,
she makes me so vulnerable. to the love,
I still wake up at night, and roll over, to look at her, to cover her back up, to sweep the hair from her brow, and to hold her hand, while she sleeps...and i always remember to be grateful, I always remember, the darkness, before she lit up my whole world.
she is just like every other baby out there, but one thing sets her apart. She is mine. She is the only thing in this world, that is mine. The only thing that ever made me feel, alive.
before sierra, I used to feel so hopeless, so lost, so alone. Everyone around me, had a reality, a gristle and bone realness, that I never felt a part of. I felt as exposed and naked as air. nothing to hold onto. nothing real. no partner, no career. no friends. no life.
sierra is the only thing that made me feel connected to this world. of tax forms, and suv's, and ballet practices,and groceries and recycling bins and vaccinations, and yardwork.
no more prada. no more ferragamo. no more chanel make up. no more brunches. no more bellini's. no more theatre tickets, no more concerts, no more lovers. no more bubble baths no more night's out, no more sleeping in, no more 5 star resorts, no more 1st class flights,
just apple sauce stained clothes, and piles of laundry,and shopping at walmart, and forgetting to paint my toes, and sometimes forgetting to brush my teeth
and tomorrow is my birthday, two years exactly, since fate knocked me up...
and every glistening shimmering beautiful moment since then. so real
so mine.
the gift that keeps on giving. and so much more.
to come.
for the first time ever. I can't wait.
when it was all about me. it was all about nothing.
now that it is all about sierra,.
my life. as I know. it.
is EVERYTHING.
old starlight - new starbright
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