she dreamed the same dream night after night~We are an orchestra of one, we are a majesty unveiling, we are newly born lovers, christening one another with mouths and hands and seeking tongues. We are everything and nothing~ Night is falling. night is falling. and I am drowning. in your arms. I am safe again. I am safe again. You surface me, and cling to me, night is falling and I am in my place again. above you, beneath you, wherever it pleases you so... oh my love, I am home again. My heart has been reborn again. the night is falling. and so am I . Falling for you ( into you, above you, through you). night is falling. night is falling. and so am i. so am i. always for you. for you.

blustarswendy3

~random vintage wendchymes~

prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08

2005-09-20 - 2:01 p.m.

I love pablo neruda's use of the phrase " little infinity" but until now, I never could assign a meaning to it, a tangible image of what my " little infinity " could be...

now, i know. My little infinity is not any of my great unrequited loves, left unseemed, like an unraveling dress, my little infinity is a 30 pound rascal with peanut butter smeared on her face, holding out a drooping dandelion in her little dimpled fist, for me...

my little infinity is the sound she makes, when she is asleep, the contented rhythmic breathing, that sets the rhythym of my own restless heart,

there was a brief moment in time, when I held sierra's life, her whole world, her very existence, in my hand, this tiny being completely and utterly dependendant on me, making one single solitary choice.

I chose life. for me, there was no other choice.

now that she is here. she holds my life, in the palm of her hand everyday, she has become my whole world, my hobbies are non existent,

the ways I used to define myself before, no longer exist or hold any interest to me,

before sierra. I loved music and lived my life, to the quotes of all my favourite songs. I loved shopping, it was my one true sport, I loved expensive handbags,and could have been the curator of the museum of overpriced purses, swilling chilled drinks, at 4 starred bistro's, bantering about witty repartee ( or so i thought)

I was always known as the funny girl. the nice girl. the tall blonde girl.

never the beauty. never the most interesting,or unique but captivating enough to at least be able to hold my own, with any banker.


now I am content. to list my hobbies as.

watching sierra sleep, taking long walks with sierra, watching dora the explorer dvd's with sierra, making kid cuisine for sierra, writing about sierra, dreaming about sierra,

everything else has faded away. the woundedness, the ache of so much unwantedness, of so much rejection has finally limped off into the retreat of time,

sierra has set me free. from all that pain.

finally, someone loves me back.

she is my little infinity.

in more ways than I could ever express.

and every moment of every day, I remember to be grateful~

p.S. ( I know that I am utterly and completely boring now. why anyone ever still comes to these words, i do not know... but I thank you for the journey! over 400 entries and 4 years since this spinster angst diary was born.

now 87.9% less bitter !

less fluff, more filling!

< how about a trip down memory lane ? >

old starlight - new starbright

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