prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2006-04-08 - 9:48 p.m.
time. it is always ticking. counting down, the finiteness of every moment. and I am ~~always~~ painstakingly aware of it. They say that time flies and it truly does! it flutters and flickers just out of reach..
and sierra is my proof of that. She is growing so quickly, I can't hold on, fast enough... her words come in full sentences, her emotions and energy and vibrancy and compassion astound me on every level.
I want to hold on, to the preciousness... but I don't know how, and even though i have not missed a moment, a single second of her life, of her very existence, i still feel cheated.
She is my only child. which makes every moment, that much more bittersweet. As I quietly pack away the beautifully tiny dresses that she has outgrown, as I comb out the tangles of auburn ringlets that her hair is curling into, as I watch her through the glass doors of the living room, while she plays with her babydolls...
as I hold her on my lap, and read her story after story, as I pluck her down from climbing up the bookcase ( again and again) as I wipe up the applesauce from the floor, and trip over her toys, and struggle to pay the bills
I try to remember.
and hold onto the moment.
Sierra used to say " hold you!" when she wanted me to pick her up, because that is what I would say to her...as in, " do you need me to hold you?" whenever she needed a cuddle..
and one day when she said. "hold you" I corrected her and said " say Hold ME!"
she immediately understood. and every time since. she would start to say, "Hold YOU followed quickly by...
HOLD ME!"
Nothing has ever sounded sweeter to me. than sierra's simple little words.
hold. you. hold me.
and sierra. please know.
That is exactly what I am doing.
I am holding. you. holding me. ( together)
without you. i never was.
old starlight - new starbright
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