prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2006-07-24 - 9:21 a.m.
I am caught in an emotional tango, of the wanting and the not wanting of the very same thing, I know that everything is for the best. I know how lucky I am to have Sierra all to myself. and I am so grateful that I never ever have to hand her over to anyone. She has never left my sight, I have never been without her, not for an hour, an afternoon, or a night.
but yesterday I hurt so much, you will never ever know, the hollow jabbing ache of being caught so offguard .
Your life has gone on, just the same, as seemless as if neither one of us ever existed. and I can not reconcile my feelings, towards you, they oscilate between immense gratitude and intense hatred towards you.
we are ghosts hidden behind the gleaming whites of your eyes.
and though I am mostly healed, from all the pain, so much pain, I have taken on the empty space already present in sierra,
and tried so hard to fill it.
but it is shredding my heart to pieces. to know.
that she is already so aware
of what she does not have.
and points it out to me over and over again.
in all of her innocence.
and, her pain has just begun.and it takes every bit of my restraint to not show up at your door, with sierra in my arms, and make you look her in the eyes.
your daughter.
the prize you never claimed.
old starlight - new starbright
Click here to read the WendChymes archives
Please make a wish and sign my Guestbook!
(C) wendchymes 2008
