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prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2007-07-21 - 8:09 a.m.
these are the best of days, even if I can not shake the overwhelming sense of exhaustion, and I surface from sleep, only to arise still exhausted, and my first thoughts, and my last thoughts, are always the same...
Thank You God for Sierra. Thank you for sending someone so small, and so powerful into my world, someone for me to take care of and to love, and someone who seems to love and take care of me.
I do not think I would have survived. this life. this world. this place. without my baby girl.
my life has been frought with disappointments. to many to list, to hurtful to dwell upon.
and yet, when I look at Sierra. I try to always remember, I try to be in the moment. to be filled up with the beauty of the simplest things.
and that is not always easy. and I lose my patience, and sometimes yell. because, my god, it is hard, it is SOOOO GOD DAMN HARD doing it all on my own,
but Sierra seems to be aware that some things are hard, and she has started trying to mother me a little bit, kissing my boo boo's, tucking me in at night, after I tuck her in, etc. She is pure love and innocence.
I get tears in my eyes, just thinking of the sweetness of it all. and so I guess I am always fearful, because in the past, anything that I ever loved, always went away.
and so it has been, always in the back of my mind, in some irrational part of my psyche, that sierra too, would go away. and I know that someday, she will eventually go off on her own,
but please know, that I tried to savor every moment, because it is always the best of times. when my babygirl is nearby.
old starlight - new starbright
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