she dreamed the same dream night after night~We are an orchestra of one, we are a majesty unveiling, we are newly born lovers, christening one another with mouths and hands and seeking tongues. We are everything and nothing~ Night is falling. night is falling. and I am drowning. in your arms. I am safe again. I am safe again. You surface me, and cling to me, night is falling and I am in my place again. above you, beneath you, wherever it pleases you so... oh my love, I am home again. My heart has been reborn again. the night is falling. and so am I . Falling for you ( into you, above you, through you). night is falling. night is falling. and so am i. so am i. always for you. for you.

blustarswendy3

~random vintage wendchymes~

prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08

2007-08-02 - 9:09 a.m.

and so I am closing in on another birthday, something that would mean very little to me, if it weren't for Sierra. She is planning a surprise party for me, only she has told me, and in her imaginary world, she is inviting " all of my friends" which really means, all of her friends, the friends that she plays with, 4 year old Maeve, and 2 year old Aidan, and 5 year old Naomi and 7 year old Jesse and 2 year old Juliette, and 11 year old Austin and 13 year old Lindsay. All of the children that I have nannied for, and taken care of in the last 10 years, 10 years of my life. as well as my two little nieces, Annaka and Ammara.

it is such a sweet idea. and Sierra thinks that she is going to decorate and have a cake, she asked me what kind of cake, that I want, and I said that she could pick, so she has chosen SCOOBY DOO...

and everyday now, we play imaginary birthday party... and she pretends to make the cake, and sometimes we blow up balloons, and hang them from the doorways, and yells SURPRISE when I walk into the room, of the pretend party.

I love how much joy this brings her. I simply love HER. and I used to cry every night before my birthday, since I was 12 years old.... because I felt sad to be another year older.

but Sierra came into my life, 4 years ago, being conceived on my actual birthday. In some ways she was uninvited to the party ( but always deeply wanted) and ever since then, she HAS BEEN the LIFE of the PARTY.

She makes me feel authentic, and rooted to this world. I always felt like an insider, watching the world pass by, because being a live in nanny can sometimes feel like that.

and I would never go back. I have shed so much of the past hurts, let go of the pain. Almost Everyone that I invested in emotionally, before Sierra turned out to be a huge disappointment, in the long run.

but now, I have someone to love, someone who loves me back greatly. Sierra and I are so close, as close as any mother daughter could ever be. and it fills my heart up to overflowing everyday. I could never have imagined how amazing this true love would ever feel.

This morning, she made the bed, a king size bed no less. and was SOOO pleased with herself. and I made sure to praise her, and watched her bask in the light of her glow. Her shining moment.

and Then I slipped an embroidered pillowcase, on one of the pillows, plumped it up and placed it on the bed, with a flourish for the final finishing touch.

And Sierra Exclaimed! Mommy, you are such a Big girl And I am sooo PWOUD OF YOU!!!!

and she leapt into my arms., and smothered me with kisses.

I could spend another 100,000,000 years, with my little girl, and never grow tired of simple moments like these.

old starlight - new starbright

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