prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2008-04-29 - 8:12 a.m.
Today is Sierra's fourth birthday. It is utterly bittersweet for me, that she is another year older, and another year closer to being grown up, something neither one of us is ready for. and I especially love the baby and toddler years, and it is hard to surrender them, but she is a wonderfully happy child who brings me so much joy, so how can I complain?
watching her, I glimpse myself, as if the child I used to be, has now reemerged in her animated expressions and jubilant ways. Seeing myself in her face, in the way she scrunches up her eyebrows, and crinkles her nose, before laughing her sweet little laugh, literally makes my heart skip, I see so much of myself in her, my soft, lost beauty of innocence still exists somewhere. It is not lost forever, like I once feared. now I understand. every triumph and tragedy in my life.. every lost friendship, and very extreme disappointment, it was all for a reason. everything in my life, led me to this little girl,
to my sweet Sierra, and every day since she has been born, I have awakened happy, because I get to share my life with something, someone, so very very precious and beautiful to me.
and there is so much that I am afraid of forgetting.
like how she told everyone that her birthday is the 20th of April 9. (translation, april 29th )
and how she loves mashed "tapatoes" more than anything else in this world, and one day asked me, how did I get the mashed tapatoes inside the baked beans. i had to think about this for a while. and then I realized that she meant she thinks that baked beans are filled with mashed potatoes.
and how my girly girl, who only wants to wear skirts and fancy dresses everyday, also loves scooby doo, and picks the scooby doo meets batman dvd over and over to rent from the video store. I should just buy it, but i keep thinking that it is just a phase, but so far it is a deep and abiding love.
and I also never want to forget, the way she says " in a couple whiles " meaning, in a few minutes.
or the way, she calls her babies 'sweetheart' and when she is playing with other kids, she asks them if they want to be the mom, or the sweetheart, meaning do you want to be the mom, or the kid ?
so so sweet. and so so abundantly rich, my life with this little girl, my very own sweetheart.
happy birthday, my little girl. I love you, more than these words can ever adequately explain. perhaps someday you will read this entry here, and all the previous words and entries that came before you came tumbling into my once empty life and you can understand, what a blessing and gift that you have been to me, and always know that I love you with all of my heart, Sierra Brooke Estrella.
P.S. and if I could I would do it all over again, everything that led me, straight to you.
old starlight - new starbright
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