prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2003-09-26 - 9:14 p.m.
Lately, I have been having trouble sleeping, I wake up for hours in the dark wrapped night, and curl up on my long curved side. I think about the innocent sleeping faces of all the people that I love, tucked into there little beds, scattered far and wide across the sea and sky. I dream of boston and brooklyn and greenwich and new york and kingston and syracuse and london and philadelphia and madrid.Why must the ones I love almost always be spread so far apart? In the reaching stillness of night I think of you all, and etch your memories over and over inside my glass heart.
And I think about this strange creature taking shape inside of me. How the sound of my heartbeat is the tempo to there whole world. I am in wonder of these exquisite changes and in fear of the awesome responsibility of it all. How can I be ready? Will I ever be up to the task? I have to do this completely on my own. Everything I do, seems so very very alone.
and somewhere in the back of my mind, I think about the whales.
I once watched a program about whales.If I recall correctly, when A whale gives birth, she pushes the baby to the surface of the ocean, thus ensuring that he draws his first breath. This establishes the baby's lifelong breathing patterns. From then on, mother and baby, rise and submerge in total synchronicity. They have tracked Adult males, many years and miles later, who still rise and surface in exact rhythym with there long lost mother's.
Nature is so spectacular in it's infinite beauty. I feel humbled in the majesticness of all that I encounter. And sometimes I feel, in the midst of total darkness ( almost beautiful) in my imperfect skin, like when you kissed me for the first time, and the forgiving moonlight rinsed us clean again.
In the deepest blackest most haunted hours of the night, I am alone, but I am not afraid. Lightning flickers across the sky, like angry irridescent jellyfish, I can see the white of my arm as it folds protectively across my side. The sateen of the sheets are tangled and twisted, I am caught up like a mermaid in fishing twine. I wish I could sing, If I could, I would sing us both a lullabye.
perhaps I have been drowning for so long, because I just need to push this baby out into the light of day. Together we will surface. Our own version of Synchronicity.
and soon, my eyes grow heavy and I drift back into the bliss of fractured sleep,
and somewhere in the distance,I am sure that there are whales surfacing. I can almost hear there plaintive whalesong.
can't you?
old starlight - new starbright
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