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prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2005-03-24 - 2:01 p.m.
Sierra's prescence in my life continues to astound me, and all the spaces where I used to be empty, are now filled up to the brim with abundant gratitude. Her beauty sleighs me, with the innocence that seeps from her sleeping skin, I love nothing more than to watch her breathe, her perfect cupid's bowed mouth ,in the rythmic shape of an "o", as she inhales the wintered spring night air. and oh, she is growing so fast!
She has been walking for weeks now, that rickety shaky way that she first adapted, has become a more sophisticated and determined teetering tread, that manages to get her from one end of the living room to the other.
She calls me mama... mama mama MaMa MAMA MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA..!!! in a desperately frantic tone.. if I leave the room, without her in tow. She can not bear to be seperated, and to be honest, neither can I. I take her everywhere, I still sleep with her tucked in the crook of my arm, as we lay side by side, in the chryssallis of our shabby chic lavender cocoon.
She is the greatest accessory to my life, I no longer wear jewelry, or make up or day dream about fabulous new clothes, or handbags... I just want my baby to ~always~ be my baby,
if only time would stand still.
but oh, it never will
and so i grab fistfuls of memories, she is growing so fast, faster than I can hold onto, faster than I can freezeframe, scrapbook, videotape, journal or archive.
I can not contain her preciousness, in one single moment, one single memory one single word.
She moves me every minute of the day,
the shake of her head, when she listens to music, the stomp of her chubby little legs, the rolls and dimples of her inqusitive little hand motioning to the world outside.
She shares her secrets. as she discovers them.
She is my whole world.
and even though I am exhuasted to the bone, from the unbelievable responsibilty of her total care and well being every night, i am afraid of only one thing.
of keeping her safe.
in this scary place.
where strangers thieve our children as they sleep.
Please god. help me to keep her safe.
so that someday, she will grow up, to know the love that I speak of, the love that has come into my life. and taken hold of me. like nothing i could have ever imagined. the love of a child.
supercedes everything you have ever known.
and then beyond.
old starlight - new starbright
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