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prayerful of dreams - 2008-06-28
preschool princess - 2008-06-16
life with my sweetheart - 2008-04-29
the fast approach of four - 2008-04-12
lighting up my own life - 2008-03-08
2003-12-17 - 7:03 p.m.
Dear Baby,
I have felt you moving around alot in the past few days, and it is with a tremendous sense of awe and wonder that I think about your sleeping silhouette glimpsed in the ultrasound image. You surprised us all, by doing a face down headstand, which caused the sonogram technician much difficulty. She was unable to get several key measurements of your head, and so, we have to go back, Dec 30th for another peek at you.
I asked her if she could tell me your sex. Everyone says that I am ruining the surprise, but you are still so much of a mystery to me, that I know that you have plenty more surprises in store for me. Will you have alot of dark hair? Are you a republican or a democrat? What is your favourite flavour of ice cream? Will you be a lefty or a righty? Are you starting to recognize my voice? Do you like the music we listen to? Will you play the piano? Will you ever understand how much I love you ?
But, you still hold onto your mystery and secrets. The technician was not able to tell your sex, last time, but there is a good chance that I will find out at the next one.
On the day you were conceived, I found a dead monarch butterfly. It was exquisitely beautiful and laying gently in the driveway. I stopped my car, to move it out of the way, as I did not want to run it over. I picked it up very carefully, and as I cradled it in my hands, a summer breeze caused it's wings to flutter ever so softly, and, all I could think about was how fragile life is, and how beautiful and vulnerable we all are.
We are born and we die. We give birth to ourselves, and leave a shell of memories and pain and love and laughter behind. There is a rhythym, a lullaby of life. You are coming into this imperfect world, as a perfect little creature. You are not a blank screen, but a vision of dreams. At night, I paint you so many colours, and someday you will finish what I have started. You are coming to life, You are fluttering into the world.
I hope that you always feel free. I hope that when you fly away from me, that you always return. Though my body has created you, you were born first to my heart.
and I cherish this time that we have together . It is magical in it's perfect synchrnicity, and never again will it ever be this serene. Because, though your first steps will be towards me, in that exact moment, it will also be your first step away from me.
sleep softly, little one.
all my love,
your waiting mommy
P.S. see you in 19 weeks!!
old starlight - new starbright
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